Here are a few tips that will get you invited back:
1. Allow your student to serve as your host. Encourage your student to take the lead in planning the weekend schedule that includes events, restaurants and sporting competitions. (I know you’re already saying, “But my student will not plan anything if I leave it up to them!”) Putting your student in charge of serving as your host and planning out the weekend will help you learn about their day-to-day life and the interests they’ve developed.
2. Items left behind. Before heading to campus, ask if they need items from home, such as seasonal clothes they might have left behind.
3. Reminders from home. Bring your student a treat from home that will remind them of your family, house or hometown — bagels from the bakery, cookies from grandma or a present from their favorite local store. Small, meaningful surprises always make students smile.
4. Respect their space. Their room may not be in a condition that you approve of (or would ever live in), but refrain from deep-cleaning their space. Learning how to manage their own space is an important life skill. If their room feels chaotic, allow it to be disorganized. The way your student engages with their space can offer insight into how they are feeling — organized and connected or disheveled and scattered.
5. Be interested. Ask your student to give you a tour of a day in their life. Encourage them to show you where they hang out, walk the path they travel to class each day, visit the gym, eat their favorite meal in the dining hall, or ask to meet a beloved professor or staff member. The more you learn about their daily routine, the more context you’ll have when they share stories and experiences with you.
6. Get off campus. Explore the local area with your student — visit restaurants, shops, markets and parks. This is especially meaningful if your student does not have a car. A small change in scenery or experiencing something new can provide a much-needed recharge.
7. Spend time with their friends, but only if you are invited. Knowing who your student spends time with can give you a glimpse into their social life. Offer to invite their friends to a meal if your student approves.
8. Give them space. Students may feel pressured to spend all their time with you when you visit. Tell them up front that you know that they are busy and respect the fact that they may have plans without you that weekend. Don’t be surprised or lay on the guilt if they end the evening early so that they can hang out with their friends. This is an important time in their lives to connect socially. Your student’s decision to spend time with their friends instead of your family does not signal that they do not love or care about you.
9. Be flexible. You may arrive for Family Weekend and learn that your student will be less available than you thought. They may suddenly remember they volunteered for a community service project or signed up to work a soccer game. Their social lives are in constant motion, and plans change by the minute. Be flexible and adjust expectations so that you are not disappointed if the schedule does not go as planned.
10. Don’t overstay your welcome. While you may be tempted to visit until Sunday night or Monday morning, departing by Sunday noon is best. At this point, your student has developed their own routine and should get back to it as soon as possible. They may have to study for an exam, attend a group project meeting or participate in an intramural game. Sunday nights are often a busy time for students as they prepare for the week ahead. The longer you stay on campus, the less time they have to get back to their routine.
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